As my consciousness expands and even the universe changes, I updated this a bit as I gained a greater perspective since I first posted it. There were about 4000 words and now it’s more than 6000. This perspective has been online in other formats since 2014 when my Arcturian Star Family suggested I talked about my suicide in a parallel life after I asked if there was anything I could do at the moment to help people.
Its intention is not to preach or make the decision for you to stay, that’s no one’s responsibility. I’ll just add an important point here if you are drained, in pain or very far gone as I’ve been many times in my life too. Maybe you can’t read the rest so I will point out first that harming our bodies takes us completely out of alignment and it’s not good for our overall journey. And once we take suicide out of options (I don’t see it as an option for myself), other pathways will open up. I know I almost did it because I ended up believing I had hit the end and all hope was lost as I was very young.
I don’t have obligations or debt on Earth but suicide is a heartbreaking problem to me personally as I had to overcome the result of taking my life in another incarnation and had to live after choosing not doing it again in this one.
It’s not pretty or flattering. I couldn’t take this memory with me to the grave, I wouldn’t feel right. This happens a lot on Earth. People know things or go through stuff but do not share with others, and painful distortions kept being repeated and amplified. It is understandable, of course, as it is a very judgmental world with many people pretending to be happy.
My past-life as an African woman slave affected my previous one as an Apache woman considerably. I still carried unhealed traumas and patterns to this life by being again, enslaved by my own parents.
I was depressed and had major self-worth issues so my Tribe didn’t like me very much. Throughout all my five lives on Earth as a Starseed, I’ve never really fit in and didn’t know how to adjust.
When my husband died carelessly, I saw it as one more sign he didn’t care about me amongst many others and I got even more depressed. I started drinking and was even more shunned away.
Thoughts of suicide started plaguing me and I fed it. When we keep nurturing thought forms, certain types of entities and energies come around and energize it, amplifying. Misery loves company. We fill ourselves with this energy, attract people and events and it just snowballs.
It is good to snap out of it and if the pain is unbearable, we can cry, deal with it, vent or purge, amongst many options. Pushing down, using substances or distracting ourselves will create energetic and more emotional blocks.
When I started thinking about killing myself on an afternoon in the 1800s, I wasn’t drunk yet so I had some INTENTION. It was still my free-will choice and there were consequences (not a punishment). I started playing at the edge of a precipice, pretending I was going to go over and pulling back in the last moment. I was too far gone and drunk to have much control and I went down.
I was 36 and would have only lived until 40 if I had waited for Divine Timing. That lesson strengthened patience and resilience in this lifestream from which I write this. My tolerance for emotional pain also grew. We do not learn or change overnight, most of the time, however.
I spent something like 40 years in the astral lower realms stuck to the ground where I fell. Time is different there but it felt like 500 years, and sometimes, that I was stuck in ‘hell’ forever. Many incarnated people believe in hell because deep inside they remember being stuck in some astral underworld in-between lives.
I couldn’t blink, close my eyes or sleep. I laid there on my back, frozen and cold.
My brother and mother of this life were there. They bullied and tormented me just like they did in this life.
A warning that this paragraph is graphic.
I had a spontaneous life regression (anyone can) when my Soul was ready to heal and I saw them yelling at me and he peed on my face. Remember that I was frozen with eyes and mouth open so… You can imagine what happened. We have other bodies when we pass. When we go in such a low vibrational state, we still feel the physical and emotional pain. The other ghosts in the same frequency can touch us and all feels quite real.
It was a land of suicidal people. I couldn’t see the stars and I value them so much in this life. I stare at them constantly. The air was thick with sulfur. There was only stone and earth. No shelter or warmth. We were surrounded by mountains. I never saw what was beyond. Light Beings confined us there not as a punishment but for the Highest Good of All because if those extremely hopeless like I and others were came down here we would pull others to kill themselves too. The lowest of the lowest in frequency are kept away from the incarnated population, although there were ghosts here living amongst us but maybe in not such a despair. It was part of my Soul mission to understand the many realms on Earth and from a higher perspective, it’s one of the reasons why I fell from the precipice as my Spiritual Support had kept me from many dangers. I know they can intervene but they didn’t at the time as I am good with transmuting and kind of volunteered to go and live there for a while. I heard some call that place ‘The Suicide Valley’.
That valley and the underworld has been cleared out. Check The dark leaving Gaia post if you want and others I trust have confirmed things have been cleared in the subtle realms.
People in the Suicide Valley killed themselves by sudden suicide, substance abuse, a careless life and other ways. There were lots of psychopaths, demonic entities and evil there.
I also know now that all my lives have been preparing me for this life and mission, and for that, I had to lower my Light and vibration considerably. I did this subconsciously. Looking ‘back’, it was the only incident where my Spiritual Support gave me no protection. I sort of had to go down for tons of reasons. All the other times I have been receiving Divine Intervention and many miracles as my physical life, mission, Soul and Heart have been attacked countless times by being a Light Being incarnated on a fear matrix as a virus.
I went out of alignment, harmed my emotional, mental, spiritual and physical bodies, I was zapped of self-love, confidence and a healthy sense of self. When I was reborn, I had a major boundary issue. I almost lowered my vibration to the level of demonic entities. I kept my heart and compassion and that was my safety net so I was never too far gone or got lost on Earth. The Heart is the only thing we can’t give up in a dominated world like this.
In this life, I was born to a narcissistic and almost fully possessed mother, tormented by a psychopathic brother and my father was neglectful. Most people have at least one loving person in their lives, I had none.
When I was little there were ghosts and other things in my house everytime I was alone. My Lightworker grandfather – who passed away before I was born – was there from my birth until I was 6 years old so I could survive the beatings, traumas, abuse and attacks from physical and interdimensional people.
When I was 5, my mom would bring her friend who had a son who would beat me. They say children are good but I met many who were not. Each Soul is who she/he is. One day, he was laying over me and trying to rip my eyes out with his thumb. I screamed and begged for help while the 3 demons – my ex-mom, the boy and his mother – laughed.
When I was 7 or so, I begged to leave my swimming classes (which my mom only gave me so I could keep an eye on her precious son) but was forced to continue. There was a boy there trying to drown me for months. There were many children there but he would always look for me in the crowd, grin and then enter the pool. I never told anyone because my ex-mom always blamed me for whatever attack or mockery I received.
Wherever I went I was harassed by some kid. At home, I was constantly traumatized by my ex-mom and brother.
At 13, my ex-mom – who is afraid of her birth family – followed her older sister to Japan for no reason at all. We were always poor but ate well and had enough. My parents had just started a new business but somehow that was not enough for them, it never is to them as they are greedy and live in fear.
My relatives started a war because we only found we had nowhere to live when we got here. They were pissed we were eating their food and sleeping in their living room floor. When my demonic cousin went after my brother to bully him, I defended him even though I was 13 and she was 16.
I’ve always dreamed of courage and she was the greatest reason how I’ve found it. I had no other option but protect my little psychopathic brother. I’ve never in my life watched a kid, elderly or animal get hurt in front of me. I was never a coward but really dislike confrontation and I was so sweet kids stepped all over me. I never stood up for myself but was always good at defending others.
They put me in Japanese high school where the bullying and racism started. It doesn’t matter I look like them, I am a second-generation Japanese and from a poor country, therefore, of a lower race, it seemed. Not all Japanese people are racists of course, but in the 90s and in a small city, they were.
I was bullied by students AND teachers. I won’t keep quiet about this. Many foreigners do not speak up. I can feel why, many are terrified, away from home or don’t want to lose their jobs. I’ve seen racism over and over again in work environments, where the Japanese would impose a lot of work, emotionally or verbally abuse Brazilians, Philippines and Chinese – the last being paid very little. I’ve also befriended or helped many who were depressed because of it.
I was told I was pig soup, to go back to my f*** country and to speak f*** Japanese as I was in their land. They wanted me to know the language after living here for only a month.
In my early mission, I was subconsciously cleansing this distortion. I had to stand up against racism many times when it happened to others too.
There was one teacher though who was an Empath. I’ll call him I. Sensei. He tried his very best to cheer the foreigners and to teach us Japanese. I see him as the first Master I had in life and follow his example to this day. He was also the first friend I ever had besides animals, even though I was 14 and he must have been in his 60s. We had a pure Heart connection that went beyond anything we normally see on Earth. It wasn’t like an apprentice and master, a teacher and student or a father and daughter. We were friends and equals and our communication was almost telepathic.
When I was about to abandon high school, there was that ‘paranormal’ feeling when everything stops and I feel like I am in a bubble out of time because something very important is about to happen and change my life course. He pointed at my heart chakra and made me promise I would never change that. There was a multidimensional merging of two Hearts who vibrated and Knew the same. We were both Ancient Souls – not Old.
I know that in the old 3D paradigm it would be inappropriate for a much older man to poke at a girl’s chest but I wasn’t bothered by it and I knew his intention and what he meant.
Looking back from my current consciousness level, I can see that he was passing the baton. Lightworker Empaths do that to each other sometimes when one is about to go down or give up. The one who is more healed and INspired to start the mission takes the role so a Light never goes out without another equally powerful being lit. That was one of the true dynamics between masters and disciples, not what some gurus do by abusing or controlling their followers. Notice also that I didn’t follow him as we were equals, but at 14 there was no way that I had the same level of earthy experiences as him.
I. Sensei knew my future. He said that people would hurt me and I would see ugly and evil. That I would be torn apart. That I was special and no matter what it happened I should never, ever, change my heart. I only nodded in tears. I knew he was talking about himself and his past and that he recognized me as an equal. At that moment a lot of energy and information was exchanged. There were always students in that hall but it was deserted and it was no coincidence. He saw himself in me and also my future while I saw his past in a flash. I call it an instant ‘Knowing’ that goes beyond telepathy. The only person I heard talking about this was Alex Collier. That’s how advanced Star People communicate.
I. Sensei was an incarnated Guide I had the honor to meet and one of the best friends I had.
I keep my promise as a ‘disciple’ to this day. He changed my life. When I was 21 and had gone through an attack by black magic, had been betrayed and used by many people and seen a lot of evil already, I remember looking around and judging people. I felt like they didn’t do their part for a better world. That I was the only one I knew caring about anything and felt stupid and angry about it. I was asking myself why did I even bother because at the time I thought to do good we had to fight the resistance. Neutrality is what heals negativity and even integrates positivity.
All of a sudden, it was like he was talking to me. I hadn’t thought of him for a long time and he came to my mind suddenly and I heard my voice saying ‘I promise’ when I was 14. I was about to harden my heart and it finally cemented me as a Heart-centered person. After that, I still had anger and judgment towards HUmanity sometimes (which were my own wounds, no one can make us feel anything) but I would always work on healing those distortions by trying to put myself in people’s shoes and understand them.
After so many years I’ve found the answers slowly within myself as those who seek always find.
Going back a little to when I was 13, I can see why I. Sensei was there for me. After some time of bullying, being tortured, publicly humiliated everyday and robbed, I came back home one Friday and went into a complete panic because I had reached my limit and realized I couldn’t go back to school on Monday.
I withheld things for too long and opened up to the wrong person. Instead of going to my father who at least didn’t hate me, I told my ex-mom and she immediately went on a rant. At first, she said I was lying about what was going on in high school and that no one would attack me for no reason. Then her demonic attachments whispered things to traumatize me better and she shifted quite suddenly, saying that no, I probably provoked it or deserved it somehow. She said something like ‘I mean, just look at you. Just by being in your presence I am disgusted. They are right to hate you.’ And then she shifted again when my ex-father came around, always hiding who she really was. But I couldn’t pay attention to that. I was paralyzed and went insane for a little while there. I can also see everything being orchestrated by the dark and how she suddenly decided to go out with my father and ex-brother. As soon as she was gone, I felt numb and decided that I couldn’t go on. I ironically took her pills – not other drugs but hers. When I intended and DECIDED I was going to kill myself, my hand was not in my control anymore. Years later, I did channel entities and the same full-body feeling happened that day but limited to my hand as they guided it to my mouth.
When we are that young it feels like the problem is so big it will last forever. I thought that would be my life and I couldn’t take it.
I went for her medication because I only saw two options: to die or go back to that hell. My mom regretted not aborting me, always telling me how much she hated everything about me while the Japanese were telling me to go away so I just couldn’t see anything beyond the blur. It wasn’t revenge on them either. I was being attacked from all sides and couldn’t take that anymore.
When I multidimensionally looked back into the experience, there were a few suicidal entities around me. This is a shame-based culture and this toxic distortion called shame can grow and take over one’s life. Many people kill themselves here.
In what was supposed to be my last moments, I kind of ‘channeled’ them. This happens to mass murders, suicidal people and in situations when we lose our sanity for a moment. And I wasn’t strongly occupying my Heart yet.
Then I felt a breath in my ear and heard my Guardian say very clearly and loud ‘Just hang on for another night.’ My hands immediately returned to my control, the fog was gone and as he waited for me to decide, I realized it was still Friday. I could kill myself the next day! He knew exactly what to say. One night was nothing.
That night my Spiritual Support took my Soul out of here and I had a long retreat in the higher realms. It can last one night here but in there, 3 months can go by or even more. When I woke up on Saturday, I was not the same person who left. I had an accelerated growth in my courage. They don’t do miracles, the seed was already being nurtured by me since I was 4 and dreamed to be different from some of my relatives and family as many were cowards. Obviously, I didn’t realize anything happened back then.
I dreaded going back to school but I went anyway, with heart palpitations and dread. As they robbed, humiliated or tortured me (always in groups) I continued to stare at the ground, dissociated. But something had changed. I wasn’t terrified anymore.
It took me two weeks to realize this. One day I came back from my out of body (as I always did when anyone was abusing me) and looked up. As amazing as it sounded, for the first time maybe, the leader of the bullies was alone. I looked at her, asking myself why I was ever afraid of her. I saw her for what she was and have been seeing abusers ever since: they are cowardly and weak. They bark loudly but can’t bite. If you look at them in the eye, fearlessly, they put their tails between their legs.
If you can’t look people in the eye, then stare at their 3rd eye. They never know you are not actually looking at them.
I don’t care if people look big. Because I am tiny and kind, I’ve been bullied in work environments and other schools and been forced to learn to stand up for myself. I never met a bully who continued with their threats after I stood up to them. None of my demonic cousins, neighbors, co-workers and my ex-mother continued attacking me after I stood up to them.
A lot of ignorant Souls see kindness as a weakness and thought I was an easy target. Being spiritual has nothing to do with being a doormat or punching bag. I owe this change for not going through with the suicide in this lifetime. When we think we can’t stand something anymore it usually means we are about to break a limit. Beyond the walls we breakthrough in life, there is always growth, higher states of bliss, more confidence and Love.
Every time I needed to confront or discuss something with someone, I went alone. Being courageous (feeling the fear, breathing through it and confronting if necessary) showed me how cowardly those who need a group behind them are.
After throwing the bully leader down the stairs, I stood up against another gang of 11 girls at once and then, a teacher. When the delinquent Japanese popular girl’s group invited me to join them, people saw it and left me alone for good. I didn’t join with the ‘enemy’ though, I was disgusted by bullies.
One day I put my foot down and said I wasn’t going to school anymore. They hated the foreigners but me especially and the vibration made me sick all day.
I was beginning to stand up against my ex-mom as well.
As I wasn’t going to school, my parents forced me to work as an adult. They made an arrangement with their boss and I worked in a factory for 8 hours a day since I was 14, which is forbidden by the Japanese law.
I never saw most of that money… I carried so much weight that I am sure that is one of the things that stunt my growth.
Only when I was 22 and had to study with younger people – which was humiliating at the time – I finished school and thought I was going to college and become a veterinarian. My ex-mom grinned when I asked about my money and told me they spent it all in the apartment they live in (and threatened to kick me out). My father had said he was saving my own money for my college when I was 17 and asked about it. Saying is too kind of a word, he actually spat it on my face like I was being offensive and an ungrateful daughter… My own parents scammed me and I started life with my left foot.
Yes, I thought about suing my parents and a lawyer I knew said I would win but didn’t have the heart to do it.
I had awful friends, 4 narcissists in my life until I was 36, went through a period without food, no friends and thought I was going homeless.
Throughout 28 years of a miserable life, I kept healing and figuring this matrix out.
I’ve learned about low vibration, evil, manipulation, abuse, trauma and darkness and now I can help others. I was also being attacked on purpose by the dark (interdimensional entities, easily possessed people and the system itself never worked for me like as you need to power them and I always refused to corrupt my integrity and Light).
Through my suicide, I was implanted and hooked down energetically, attracting a lot of abuse and nasty people because I traveled down to the lower dimensions in the afterlife. From a higher perspective, some Starseeds with this kind of mission go through trauma to lower their vibration to be able to actually relate to HUmans and understand what is happening on Earth. In my case, as my Soul has mastered emotional healing long ago, my Star Elders and I believed I could self-heal my own trauma once I incarnated into the illusion.
I had to remember how to build self-love, worthiness, courage and confidence from the ground up completely from intuition alone as no self-help books, gurus, a psychologist (that wasn’t empathic) or people helped me. In the very rare moments when I couldn’t take it anymore and opened up, I’ve been told I was weak or dramatic.
Empaths are sensitive but that is not weakness, it is a trait of highly evolved HUmans. It is normal to feel for All as we feel for our selves. There are worlds out there where the entire civilization is carrying and compassionate towards each other, Animals and their Mother Planet.
There are a lot of scammers in the consumerist world. I consider dishonest when a book promises something and don’t deliver what they claimed. For most, it’s just for money. My vibration also wasn’t high enough to be able to find ethical and true Spiritual Leaders and Teachers. Most of them are not popular or known yet. They don’t work for the system, don’t have a lot of monopoly paper to market themselves and are more interested in service rather than profit.
I can say now that ‘Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving’ by Pete Walker is the best book I’ve ever read. It could help everyone, not only traumatized people. I attracted it into my reality when I had healed a lot. It teaches us about emotions, pain and how to heal it. I call it the Bible of Pain. He is a very wise Soul with a beautiful mission that completely shifted my path.
I needed the harsh experiences for my mission though. Nothing is one-sided, it was not just the dark attacking me because I am one of the viruses that broke the old matrix, it’s not just karma from taking my life and it’s not just my mission. There are many other reasons but this post is about the harming of self or any other sentient being and how that takes out of alignment.
As I edit this post 3 years later in 2019, I also want to share a vision I had when I witnessed online that a Lightworker had just taken their life.
What I saw coincides with what Denise LeFay said and I trust her. She said something like the death process has been finally cleared, that we don’t have those problems of being kidnapped or entering false light matrices when we leave the body.
That coincides with what others that I trust say and that the grid and everything in the causal realm changed. I can also confirm that I Know that energetically, everything has been feeling different indeed, since 2013 and always increasing. It changed for the better and Heart-centered people feel much more at home now. If that is happening in the physical already, in the causal and energetic realm the change is complete.
As I prayed for this person, I saw she/he resting inside a capsule in space, near Earth. The person was sleeping, waiting to be taken to another planet as those below a certain frequency won’t be able to incarnate here anymore. I mourned as we are so close to amazing changes, but I know how painful it is right now for anyone who is traumatized and this person decided to give up so near the finishing line. But compared to what happened to me in the 1800s or so, things are so much better as this person will know no underworld and won’t live with demonic entities for decades.
My Higher Self planned the toughest path towards Emotional Balance. We knew that I would get up somehow, heal and find the guts to share these experiences with others.
As I keep writing and putting myself out there, limits are being broken from moment to moment. We can only take the next step and I allow myself to go as slow as I want.
An important path to be One with Source again is to be in mission and service, that’s when Source comes through us the most. If you want to speak, write, record, create, share, sing, draw or whatever and don’t have the courage to do it now, move into it slowly. Visualize, dream of it, write a blog or record that video – according to your talents and Heart wishes.
When we look for the answers within, we become empowered and nothing can shake what is built upon strong foundations. All great people suffered in the old parasitic pyramid system.
Truth is not popular in this world, we will heal when individuals come out with what they know or went through.
I see how suicide multiplied my pain and to rebuild my bodies, mind, energy and Heart was excruciating. I didn’t even know why my life was so bad, I thought I was cursed.
I had to share this and this story helped one Starseed already. My Star Family was right when they suggested (not commanded) that I told this story. (I did it years ago and this is the 4rd version because my consciousness keeps expanding and I understand the suicide better and better). That’s how my mission started.
Now I AM so glad I trusted Source. Even the most horrible events in my lives were for my own good.
It is your decision but by universal laws, if we kill our bodies, of other humans, animals – even extraterrestrials – we are not punished and Source is NOT judgmental, but intentions and actions have consequences and killing is the worst type.
What to do then
After all that you may realize suicide is not an option. Some dark gurus have been supporting it as a way of exit or some say Source told them to kill themselves. I guarantee you, that’s not Source talking to you. That’s a demonic or interdimensional entity. If any Being is telling you to do anything command them out of Earth and back to Source and reinforce your sovereignty. No Light Being that live aligned with Source and Love All tell others what they should do. If you incarnated on Earth, you wanted to be here, even if you don’t remember. Restarting an already painful life is, as you can see, at least three times worse than the one we ran from.
I know how it feels like to be suicidal. I didn’t do it again but I’ve sometimes wished I was dead since I was 8 until I was 32 or so. I knew for certain I could not do it but the option of living with so much trauma when I didn’t even know how to heal was a nightmare.
Look at, feel it, write about, vent, create with and deal with the pain. One trauma at a time. Do not share with someone who judges or don’t show compassion for you. If you are alone like I was then use a wall as a surrogate. Imagine you are talking to a very compassionate friend who completely understands you. It’s therapeutic.
Emotional energy needs to be witnessed to be released. When you stay with it as neutrally as possible and without creating any stories, Source comes through and transmutes your experiences.
I dealt with, wrote about my trauma and when I found good enough and trustable people who cared about me I opened up to them. I vented, cried or raged about my traumas laying down in bed alone as well and that huge block started to melt day by day until the ‘purgings’ became easier to deal with.
When counting on someone else to witness the pain with us, make sure they are empathic. If you feel they are not listening, empathizing with you, shaming you or whatever, it has everything to do with what is going on within them and who they are and not you.
If you chose a mainstream healer such as a psychologist for whom you are just another number in their paycheck, then pick another. Do not accept people’s judgment of you, that’s how they treat themselves, it’s not your truth, so don’t pick it up.
It’s not that there are not good people in the mainstream either. Lightworkers do infiltrate the mainstream care system and all areas. Just be mindful and don’t settle if you feel uncomfortable with someone.
I do understand the need to leave. I no longer fantasize the afterlife or feel the need to run. I created a safe vortex of high vibration where I live. That’s where I found a little piece of safe haven and I barely have to interact with the low vibration or wounded people. I also won’t have many problems when it’s time to depart because I’ve never been afraid of death and know I am going back to Source. And as I processed so much, emotions just flow easily.
I was suicidal because the blockage didn’t let me feel and it amplified lower emotions. I feel centered most of the day (not happy or it’s polarity: depressed, but neutral, centered and at peace) and my purgings are easy and short.
Remember how we used to cry one minute and be laughing another when we were little, that’s emotional flow and should be the norm.
We have been brainwashed by a society that is afraid of emotions. Covertly and overtly we are bombarded with messages to suppress our feelings and put on masks, making us sick. Realize that Christed Humans are Empaths.
I suggest clearing is done before we exit because death doesn’t raise our vibration, transform us into angels or solve anything. We will be vibrating exactly as we did in life and will end up in dimensions that match that. Suicide is also harmful because we will actually lower our overall frequency with that act right before departing.
There are two trustable Ascension teachers who said that the astral realms are clear: Sandra Walter and Denise LeFay.
It can mean that my suicide experience doesn’t apply anymore because those realms are cleared and no one will have it so bad. To confirm their findings, I did see 2 black shadowy entities running away from the underground and up to the surface at night. It was in 2015 or so. I also found many personal proofs that the planet is being cleared. And that’s how many of us carry a puzzle piece and understand the big picture by those who share them. It is also a Divine Plan as we will unify if we initially need each other.
Remember to ask for your Spiritual Family or Support to help you clear your wounds and traumas. When we do our part, higher support is constant. We do half of the job while Source or the Universe do the rest.
After clearing and shining the light on our wounds, making sure we will die in the highest vibration we choose and if we still want to leave, then we can DECLARE to Source our wish to exit. In prayer – which is just talking to our Creator – ask that a way out is made and that you want to experience a better world. That will bring the best exit that will guarantee the highest good of all. Your family and those who love you will be taken care of with the least amount of suffering possible, although you will have to wait for Divine Timing.
Intervention and miracles are always available for those with a compassionate Heart.
Use any of this for your growth and path, it’s just my perspective. We all have different viewpoints as fractals of Source. I only mean to inspire and do not have all the answers. I am just a storyteller, not a spiritual teacher and I don’t know all.
If anything, I know exactly how you feel. It doesn’t make you weak like a cruel society claims.
EVERYONE has a breaking point and those judging are either dissociated or they haven’t suffered much in life.
If you only survived whatever you are going through, if you just wait for your ‘just another night’, you will be freer, stronger and happier. I’ve broken all my limits and now love myself, have self-confidence, ‘know thyself’ and am aligned with Source in a way that I know it is still rare on Earth but wish everyone could achieve.
There is another reason why I wanted to go away so badly. It is tragic that the life I killed myself was one of my last lifetimes on Earth. I intuitively knew this and was tired, yearning for home. The suicide delayed that considerably as you can see. Sometimes my Soul still feels worn out and I gently snap out of it. I’ve been kindly coaching myself to enjoy the moment for many years now. When we project our consciousness and energy into the future or past, this ‘us’ who is here now is left fragmented and weak. Being in the Now brought me enjoyment in being by myself, I am comfortable in my own skin and I have many moments of bliss.
This time I am really going. Trust the Divine and know that no matter how painful it is, you can handle whatever happens. As Souls, we incarnate to stretch ourselves to the limit. We came in to be happy, yes, but to learn and grow too. Breathe through the difficult moments and if you have to give up for a week or months, allow yourself to do so without judging yourself or calling it depression. Sometimes, you really need 6 months in bed to heal whatever is going on within you. There were horrible things that I needed 8 months and others required 4 years. Society shames us to have a schedule and to do a lot but that’s not a natural rhythm. Live on your own pace. Look at Nature, a tree can’t grow quicker than it should. Look at Animals and the seasons. HUmans are the only ones out of alignment.
Question all your beliefs. A lot of the suffering comes from a very sick society that created a template to how women and men should live like that has nothing to do with our Soul. As Lisa Renée said, they were trying to break our Hearts.
A very harmful belief is that we need a significant other to be whole. Having no boyfriend is not really a bad thing, when we love ourselves we are not needy and can be happy by ourselves. If we find a great match and we love ourselves, then it means it’s the right time to find someone. It’s not the absence of a partner that is making one unhappy, but the belief that not having a partner means there is something wrong with us.
I suffered a lot with the belief I was supposed to get along with family and relatives when in truth, many Starseeds incarnate into dark families to help clear the bloodline and then they must move on to not continue to be attacked.
An Empath’s Light and Aura can be very triggering to the spiritually sick, the wounded and the dark ones.
Maybe you forgot you are not alone, so know that I love you very much and you have no idea how many more do too.
Wishing you all the healing in the world!
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